


Eggs Aren't Real.

by artstaria



Category: LazyTown
Genre: In which Sportacus and Robbie argue like an old married couple, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-05
Updated: 2017-02-20
Packaged: 2018-09-06 15:56:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,595
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8759458
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/artstaria/pseuds/artstaria
Summary: Sportacus laughed at the accusation. "Name one mean thing I have done or said ever."Robbie just frowned, crossing his arms. "You convinced me eggs weren't real."





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> thank u to my qpp for helping me write this blessed fic.

It was a beautiful sunny day and robbie was being forced to recognize that. Gross. He was at the mayors house because he culdnt be in his lair for an unspecified reason okay dont question it. Anyways he was starting to get. Hongry. Being the nosy little shit he was he began to go through the cabinets and shit. 

 

Finally he found……………. .. . . a cake mix. 

 

“Yes boy this is exactly what i need” he said to himself like a loser. “Im gonna make the  _ fuck _ out of this cake.”

 

He begins. Goin through all the shit in the kitchen to try and find the oil and whatever else he needs. Doesnt robbie have a machine that makes cake for him??? He doesnt know how to cook by the book. 

 

All is goign well until he realizes. Oh shit. He cant find the got damn eggs. 

 

“Fuckity” he say to himself. “I need eggs. Where are the egg”

 

BEEP BEEPEPEP beepy

Sportcus gasp. That was…… he crystal. 

 

“Someone is troubel!!! ! !” he screams, doing 21 consecutive backflips. He has to go help….. 

 

Sportaflumpty handsprigns into the room.

 

“!!!! ! h*ck. Roberto. What is worng>?” The look on his faec is a mix between concern and g _ a _ _ Y. _

Robert frown like >:(

 

“The eg. They are not here. I just want to make cake why does god hate me”

 

“Umm......” Sportyyyyyyyy pause. “Eggs arent real??? What is eg?????”

“ >:(((  stop fuKCING around sportadork i need egg!!!!!!!!”

 

sPortafucko just frown, like.... . ... .. what is eibboR talkign abt???

 

“Robblueberry, I havee no idea what youre talking abt.” he say,

 

Robbo is. A n g e r y. “Sportsman pls i just want to eat rhis cake. Im about to eat the cake mix itself pls. Pl e as e my dude.” he holds up the box. It is offbrand. “It says i need an egg read with your beautiful blue anime eyes”

 

Sportaflambé looks, looks with ihss special eyes, but sees nothing. There is a hole in the box wheer robmart is pointignn. cake mix is spilling all. over the floor.

 

“Robe, I think we have a biggggggger problema on our hadns. eggies aint real, just accept it.”

 

Roomba looks @ the box with his >:( face. Why is there a hole he just looked at the box like two seconds ago and there was a demand for  **E** GGS. “Sportatoot u used ur gay elf magic didnt u. You did this. Why”

 

“Listen here, Rambo, there aint no such thing as eg, and i dont have magicks, they arent real either stop listening to the kidss giving you these ruM OR >” 

“SPORTY NO MAN ON THIS DAMN PLANET CAN DO 267 HANDSPRINGS IN A ROW IT IS MAGIC”

 

Sportacular gasp.

.

.

....

“...”

 

“Sprot i am apology for yell.”

 

“It is the ok.” Sporty makes the okay hand sign..... Uncomfortably. (he also winked. That shit was weird.)

 

“Spotadweeb i still need the egg. Do not lie to me. Where are they hiding it is not easter.”

 

“There are no egg. They are not hiding. They are not REAL.” sportacumquat was startign to get much frustrate. “Why even make cake, that’s nOT A HEALTHY SNACK, REBECCA”

 

... sporty trailed off.

 

“Im not gonna eat grass like u do you diggity dang goat man” 

 

Sportacular gasp, the return.

 

“Robbery, listen to the voice of reason here, eggs arent real so u cant even make a cake, just eat an apple or smth”

 

Sportadumpling make the ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯  face.

 

Rob is starting to cry. He is haveing a crisis. “Sprorty i just want an egg. Just one egg. Why do you make everything trrible”

 

“No tears, my dear Roof. We can find you soemthing else that doesnt need thaes imaginary Egg things you speak of.”

 

“No,,,,” he frowns. “No. I will eat this cake” he rips open the box and the little platic bag inside and pours all of the cake mix into his mouth. This is fine. This is what he intended to do from the start please believe me 

 

Sportachloroplast is so confused. Roblebleb had the oven on tho. Teh room is fillign with smoke. Theres this weird, white, not-quite-perfect spherical thing on the counter. is this the end??? Robobblehead is still pouring cake mix down his throat. Its like the got damn box is an endless supply of cake mix, it just keeps coming and hasnt stopped its been like probably a good 2 minutes 

 

Robby is dying. One time he did the cinnamon challenge but this was worse. The mix isnt even going into his mouth anymore it’s just piling up on the floor. Someone get a fucking broom.

 

Finally, after like 5 minutes, the mix is all gone. When robbbbbbbbbie sets the box down on the counter his little gay heart stops

 

No. 

 

N 

  
  


O

  
  
  


The EGG is    r i g th     there

  
  


“aaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA **AAAAAAAAA** **_AAAAAAA_ ** **_A_ ** **_あああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああ_ ** **_.”_ **

 

 

 

 

_ Fin. _


	2. chapter 2 is finally here

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we're back baby
> 
> featuring some good authoring from robbie-rotting and mettabab on tumblr

 

stephanie comes downstars and she Do A Yel,,,.,

 

She sees robbie with cake mix poured all over himself. It’s a mess

He is screaming >:O

 

He is crying :’(

 

There is blood. Not really theres just cake mix. All over the diggity dang floor.

 

Rubbery is holding an egg. He is staring at it. He continues to SCREAM in capital letters.Sprrot is there. He  **stares** into the  _ distance _ ,,,.,..,,;;,.,;

 

He is physicaly there but he brain is n o t. Where he(the brain) go, no1 know.

 

“WHAT THE FRICK FRACK DIDDLY DACK PATTY WACK SMACK IS GOING ON IN THE GOSH DIDDLY DARK KITCHEN???1/.2?” stephy screm. She screm so loud that wellll……,, she screm.

 

Robbbbbbieeeee spends about 42.473 more seconds screamign at the eggy in his tiny (large) **gay** fist before he brings it up over his head and then slams it onto the counter. 

 

//sportaslides in//

Sportafloppy disk is suddelny doin the cha cha slaide. This is,,, 

 

Interesting.

It’s so interesting in fact that sport does another scream. This time its a VERY LARGE SCREAMLX.D./F,/DK  and **_everyone is big concern._ **

 

Spurt is now aggresivelyyy cha cha now y’all’ing.

 

“One hop this time,” he says. He jumps and does  **some** sorta quadruple spin backflurp bullshite, **,, and the** impact of  **he** feeties hitting the floor sahkes a container of  **flour** (somehow open) and knocks it to the  **_floor, spilling and adding to the mess of cake mix._ **

 

“SpO **RTYTY YOU’VE D** ONE IT NOW,” roobie yells as if he was not responsible for the rest of thsi fuckign nightmare and then robbieioe begins to sob but this time……………………. Its   **full force** sobbing and sportaconcern  _ is looking at him with such sportaconcern that everyone is concern as heck! _

 

Stephanie attempts to tell robbery to calm down right this instance. But then steoh begins to do a yell because like……….. Robb is too emotional. WHY IS THIS MAN SO  **EMO** TIONAL ABOUT THIS EGG THAT HE IS HOLDING INSIDE OF HS FIST?? WHO DOES HE THINK HE IS??? WHAT THE  **H*CK** GUYS????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? EXcept the egg is no longer in his fists????? But it’s  smashed

 

Right.

On the

_ COUNT _ _ E _ _ R _ **_?_ **

 

**_Spor_ ** acus is,,, tO  THE LEFT

Take it back now  y’all

:^{D

 

Sudden there was a **thUMP THUMP THUMTUMP THUMP (it was** ** _loud_** **)** when the mayor threw hiself down the stairs?? !    ?

 

Stephanysephany  rused towards the man. He was in a horrible situation.she thought he was bleeding. He was not bleeding. He was there. And now he was crying.

“UNCLE!!!!!!” she screeched. h*ck dude, that sure was a screech. If that screech were any louder……………………… everyone would be………………….

 

DEAD.

The mayor gets up in a haurry. He quickly and swiftly offers roberto rotted an box of corn flakes. “You need these to  **survive mr robert.** Take these. please. Just………………………. Take them.”

 

Robbo has Stopped yelling. He stares.  _ He stares at the Box. _ A tear rolls down his  **gay** cheek

 

“A boy should be like a bowl of **corn flakes**. **Sweet** , cold, _harmless,_ available, dry, **_wet_** **,** corn, **sexless,** dangerous, shy, extroverted, the Grand Canyon, HOT, 2 inches tall, **the** opposite _of_ **himself** , **a lesbian,** God, also”

ssportis grabbed Roby’s hand. His  **gay** hand.    
“but, robbiy,    
I can be all of those things . and more………”

He kisses him tenderly on the  **gay** mouth. It’s a loud kiss so everyone could hear the extravagent smooch that sportakiss and robvery rotten were doing right. There on the kitchen floor. They weere both covered in cake mix. He could still smel the egg. 

 

“SPORTACUSUIDH YOU RE GONG TO DIE…,,/!!!”

 

**Sportacus** made an  **face** . It was somehwat like :^{O or kind of like :^{?

He really didn’t know a this point in time. 

 

“OOOOOOHHHHHHHHH NOOOOOOOO **OOOOOO** ”

“Stop fuckgin screaming jfc” says roooboboo.

He could have sworn that it was an ghost (of his haunting past) who was s **creaming** but it was actually th _ e sporty man sitting beside him that was doing an yell.  _

“SOMEONE GIT HIM AN APPOL” ROBbier sang with passion. 

 

Trixie was there suddenly. She is a lesbian. She pulled n appel out of thin air. She isnt magic tho. probably.

“Take this!” she threw it at sportasnmdnkjd and then. He take it. Slowly……….. But with  _ force. _

_ He ate  _ the apul that was thrown at him. He ate it with passion, just like the kiss that him and robbbbbbbbbbiejds has shared. He (the appel) was good and tastety, 

  
millford did a big gasp “I think i’m, alive, okay this is  **_my kitchen! !_ ** i am th mayor of this town i; can u clean this up pls” he sa id softly

“Nah” says rorooorob

 

Then sportycus and robbie kissed and it was nice.

  
End. 


End file.
